just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You need a sexual gate keeper
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
