apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
everyone is single if you try hard enough
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
