i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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