im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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