I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
