Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
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