i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
