Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
