but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
