If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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