Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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