White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
