just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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