Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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