The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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