I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
