the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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