I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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