i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
