You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm at about main and main street
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
