Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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