I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
