I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I CAN MOONWALK!
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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