he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
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So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
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Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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