i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
