cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
