so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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