no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
