you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
