So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
