I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
