I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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