my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You were trust falling into bushes
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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