just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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