I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
