We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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