Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
