She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
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PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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