Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
