There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
