my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
