Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
