i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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