Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
