I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
