i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
