You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
