Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The best revenge is premature balding
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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