Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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