Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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