You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
