If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
