then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I need a beard to bite.
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