There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
