Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
