He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
