oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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