Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
