My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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