I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
