Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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