I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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