Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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