I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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