i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
