I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
