everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Randomize
