it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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