shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
