Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
