ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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