That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
What do you mean you havenโt had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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