Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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