I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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