Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
