is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
