idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
