Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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