I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My vagina is very pro this idea
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
