you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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